But his ability to be open and honest about the things he didn't know and his willingness to learn, rather than be defensive, eventually won me over.While this may seem obvious, it’s worth noting because we all hold stereotypes, no matter how enlightened we think we are.But having a strong relationship without trust issues helps us give each other the benefit of the doubt when one of us says something culturally insensitive.
Prepare yourself for reactions that are unexpected or even upsetting, and accept that it may take some time for your family to come around. You’ll be sharing foods that may be new to your partner, translating your language for them during family gatherings and perhaps even teaching them some Racial Politics 101.
Sometimes, you’ll want to bang your head against the wall. “When your partner asks questions that may seem ignorant, they are accepting that they don’t understand everything,” said Fensterheim.
I wish we could be all kumbaya-we’re-all-human-beings-love-is-love, but in this current cultural and political climate, race is not something you can pretend you don’t see.
When you marry someone, you marry everything that made them who they are, including their culture and race.
“Racial groups are not homogenous,” reiterated Childs. You and your partner don’t have to agree, but you should know where each other stand and try to understand each other’s perspectives.” For my part, I had to face the stereotypes I had about white Southerners.
“African-American people have different perspectives; some may support Black Lives Matter, and others don’t. To be honest, I just assumed that deep down, he and his family were probably racist.
But, fear set in when they found that he deeply believed what he had been taught. Many people Childs has spoken to in the course of her research came from families who seemed very accepting, but feel differently about who their children date. "Be realistic and don’t just go off comments they made when you were growing up," she said.
Have an open and honest conversation before you bring your significant other into the mix. Acknowledge her feelings, but also acknowledge it's hurtful to you and your partner. That was the case for Baker, who said that after her kids were born, her husband's grandmother cried and apologized for her initial disapproval.
Would it have been different if my husband were Indian? “In the past few years, I’ve been needing more connection with my culture, I listen to more Latin music now, I watch movies in Spanish — I need those touchstones now, in a way I didn’t before,” said Alejandra Ramos, a TODAY Tastemaker who is Puerto Rican and has been married to a Ukranian-born Jewish man for seven years.