This means he’s a guy that isn’t emotionally volatile (as in, he doesn’t explode into anger, he doesn’t pressure you with demands, he doesn’t get jealous, he’s not a trouble-magnet in his own life, he’s not vindicative) and he’s got his life in order (he’s not depressed, his own life isn’t filled with drama or problems and he makes level-headed decisions). people with problems always find a way to suck other people into them…
and they succeed if the other person isn’t in a stable place herself.
Now, I understand that some of you might be reading this article specifically because you are sleeping with a friend and you want it to become something more.
It simply means that you limit how you relate to them… If you notice strong negative feelings coming up in yourself, it’s time to end it. With all this in mind, this is why the next rule is super important…
If you notice strong negative reactions coming up in him… Even if you are great at following the first six rules, everything will come apart if you choose a guy who isn’t emotionally stable.
I want you to get what you want for the greatest good of everyone involved. It’s an arrangement that you define from the get-go as a purely sexual arrangement…
and when it ends, it needs to be clean without loose ends (for you or for him).
It’s certainly possible, but it requires that you look at things honestly and set clear boundaries for yourself. (aka: how to have a friends with benefits arrangement without drama, difficulty, or disaster) This means no neighbors, no co-workers, no ex-boyfriends, no guys that are currently your friend and no people within your social circle.
It also requires that you know yourself – some women can have a friends with benefits arrangement with a guy and have absolutely no problem with it… It’s a mixture of biology, personality, and psychology that will determine if you’re someone who can do it or not… I am not encouraging or advocating having a friends with benefits arrangement in your life or as a lifestyle. I’m simply answering your question and speaking to what friends with benefits rules will lead to the most successful results – those results being to get what you want without hurting anyone (including yourself) in the process. Really, the term “friends with benefits” is misleading because having a FWB arrangement is sleeping with a guy who’s your friend.
As a rule, though, never put your FWB into a role that is outside the arrangement (which is pure sexual enjoyment and exploration).
This doesn’t mean that you’re cold, distant or treat them like an object. If you follow rule #5, you will most likely avoid this entirely. You’re not bringing your problems into it and neither is he. Similarly, you are not arguing with each other or putting expectations on one another.
I’m not looking to be in a relationship right now, but I’m only human and I have needs.
I want something that’s dependable enough that I can take care of my needs without having to jump from guy to guy or pick some guy up at a bar or club.
Yes, I understand that this isn’t what women say they typically want, but I just got out of a long, difficult relationship and I don’t want to dive right back into commitment again.