You gave your bank info to a Hamilton HR person, and they set up an auto-pay thingy for you when the show first opened.
However, after years of Hamilton performing sold-out shows to rave reviews, you assume you’ve probably earned enough money to afford a trip to the mall. You should check with a financial adviser to make sure the mall is within your budget.
It’s basically a sandwich, but it’s grilled I’m eating bread with lines on it, after you’re killed They also invented french fries this morning Going to enjoy eating those, while your family’s in mourning It’s a stick of potato, fried until it’s gold And I’ll nosh on those while your corpse is growing mold Ketchup doesn’t exist yet, that’s my sorrow They’re really close though, it might exist by tomorrow Chefs are experimenting with tomatoes, giving it all they got Too bad you’ll never taste ketchup, because you’ll be shot The point I’m trying to explain, Mr.
Hamilton Is that I’m planning to shoot you with my gun And after our duel, when you’re deceased I’m going to buy a nice lunch and feast Hot Topic is a large empty room containing only a somber man dressed up as a skeleton.
Borders is ready to go, except there are no employees inside.
Then dozens of little sparks flutter out of the Gutenberg Bible and land on the floor across the bookstore.
“Long ago, Hot Topic was rich with Jack Skellington costumes. Father: “My little Lin, should you ever find yourself within…”Mother: “That wonderful hall known as the mall…”Father: “Visit the book hoarders, known as Borders” Greek Chorus: Oh-oh-oh, yeah-yeah-yeah. No, he bravely fought and made his stand I, Lin-Manuel Miranda, am going to do the same thing Except instead of driving the redcoats from our shore And freeing the colonies from the rule of a king I vow to somehow reopen Borders bookstore When I compare myself to Alexander Hamilton It’s a comparison just about our levels of determination To achieve the ambition we have set our hearts on I’m reopening Borders, not founding a new nation Just to reiterate, I am not fighting England Or working for a general named George Washington I’m trying to be crystal clear about this so you understand Other than our level of determination, I am nothing like Hamilton Wiping tears from your eyes, you stride away from the dead husk of Borders to explore the rest of the mall. You’re Lin-Manuel Miranda, do whatever the hell you want. The ancient tome starts to glow with holy power, and is surrounded by a golden nimbus of flying letters.
Shelf after shelf of Jack Skellington costumes filled this store, and hundreds of people came every day to buy their Jack Skellington costumes. Last I saw Lin-Manuel Miranda, he had just been picked up by a very large bird, and as it ate him, he was singing a song that goes like this: I’m Lin-Manuel, the composer of "Hamilton" A very large bird has me grasped in a talon It’s eating me as we speak I’m sliding down its beak Now I’m stuck in an avian, forever gone I am not dressed up like Jack Skellington “We’ve got to rescue Lin-Manuel Miranda from that bird’s stomach so we can continue to scream nice things at him! They begin feverishly roaming the mall in search of the fictional bird that supposedly swallowed you. Borders bookstore and café.5-Year-Old Lin-Manuel Miranda: Whoa, what did they say? You have million to spend, and you’re a grown-up, so you can keep track of how much money you have left from now on. Coffee is the black madness juice Drink it to go nuts with power Your brain will pop loose As you stay awake for hour after hour Espresso tastes like sour dirts Like mud from a witch’s trash heap If I don’t drink it, my head hurts And I can peacefully fall asleep Coffee, espresso, cappuccino, me oh my I will drink that sludge until it fills me I’m going to gulp coffee until I die Because my blood is entirely coffee “Hello, and welcome to Unfortunately Just Books, the dumb bookstore that doesn’t also sell coffee,” says the bookseller behind the counter. The entire mall shakes as deafeningly loud angelic voices chant “Borders bookstore is having a grand reopening” in a divine cacophony.“Hello, welcome to Hot Topic, The Store That Sells A Jack Skellington Costume™,” the Hot Topic cashier says glumly. “Yes, Harry Potter And The Deathly Hallows – Part 2 was released on DVD on November 11, 2011.“Would you like to buy our Jack Skellington costume? But Borders went out of business on September 11 of 2011, two months before the DVD came out, so we never got to buy it.”The Ronald Weasley cosplayer sighs forlornly.In that golden age of the mall, Hot Topic was known as The Store That Sells Many Jack Skellington Costumes™.” “People don’t come to the mall anymore to buy their Jack Skellington costumes,” mourns the Hot Topic cashier. Wow, the retail price of this costume was .95, so it’s really nice of you to give Hot Topic million for it.”You put on the heavily used Jack Skellington costume. Shop wherever you want, and just remember how much you’re spending. When you’re out of money, click on “I’m broke” in order to fail. Maybe you’ll find a way to reopen Borders bookstore while you’re at the mall. Then the Gutenberg Bible floats off the table and flies out the door.“They just buy Jack Skellington costumes online from the comfort of their own home, without even having to put on a pair of Jack Skellington pants to leave the house.” You toss the Hot Topic cashier million, and he strips naked and hands you the Jack Skellington costume. It smells like old sweat and bad deodorant, but it’ll keep you from being recognized by your fans. Did you happen to see which way Lin-Manuel Miranda went? The Gutenberg Bible soars into Borders bookstore and lands onto a table.Finally, after what feels like hours, he finishes his analysis.“Lin-Manuel Miranda, after examining your finances I calculated you have a net worth of 0 million.” You toss million to the accountant for his services, and head over to the mall.